I’m starting to get pretty excited.  In less than two weeks, I’ll be in Charlotte taking my first on-campus seminary class.  Yeah, I’ve already got one class under my belt and I’m half-way through another (both are history classes), but those are both online lecture classes.  This one will be in an actual classroom with an actual professor and other students present.  In other words, I don’t expect it to be anything like my online classes.  The class itself is a week-long intensive on Apologetics (defending the faith).  It’ll be lectures Monday through Friday, and then I go home to write a paper and take a final exam.  I can’t wait to get started!

I haven’t been in a college classroom in nearly 10 years, so that’s exciting.  I loved college, but this is different.  This is seminary.  I can’t wait to meet the other students and see what they’re like.  Some of them are probably seniors, which means that they may be pastors at this time next year.  That’s so cool.  It’s also intimidating… what will they think of me?  I know it’s silly to think that way, but it’s hard not to.  I can’t wait to participate in the class discussion, and I hope I don’t make an idiot of myself!  I can’t imagine I will, but do tend to open my mouth quickly and say things before I think them through completely.

I’m not really worried or nervous.  I guess I’m just full of anticipation for a situation that’s a complete mystery to me.  I’m thankful for my pastor who basically told me to go and enjoy myself and learn at the feet of Jesus.  That’s exactly what I’d like to do.  And soon!

Amidst the complexity life as of late, I have been a bit preoccupied with the thought of leaving for seminary next year.  I have a variety of mixed feelings on the matter.  It seems that my heart and mind are both in states of conflict.

Let’s start with the mind.  On one hand, logic tells me that it makes no sense to remove myself from my current ministry involvement, which has seriously ramped up in the past four months.  I’ve gotten heavily involved in some really exciting areas where I see God at work, and I’d like to be doing more of that and not less.  On the other hand, I know that I have a lot to learn to be properly equipped for pastoral ministry.  Since our local churches are not particularly prepared to develop a pastoral candidate, I recognize benefit/need for seminary.  I also know that RTS is a wonderful, renowned, and reformed school, and that there’s really no place I could go to be better equipped.

Now to the heart, which I see as at least equally important to the mind.  My heart aches for leaving my friends and family behind in Cleveland.  I am going to miss them dearly, especially those with whom I have been serving the Lord.  They have taught me so much, and I love them deeply.  My heart aches for my wife because she has to face those very same heartbreaks.  We have already begun grieving, as have our closest friends.  Our hearts are conflicted, though, because we are also extremely excited to discover what the Lord has in store for us in North Carolina and beyond.  We are very excited to move, to get the necessary training, and to live in the state that we’ve loved for over 10 years.

Ultimately, I must simply remind myself to trust in the Lord.  He’s in control.  He knows where we’re headed, both short-term and long-term.  In the moment, it’s hard to see the big picture, but as we step back and try to look at things through God’s eyes, the path seems to get clearer.  I must stay attentive to the promptings of the Holy Spirit and be constant in prayer.  Whatever the destination, the one thing that’s certain is that we’re in for a ride!

Today I received my acceptance letter from Reformed Theological Seminary in Charlotte, NC.  I was admitted into the Master of Divinity program, which is a typical prerequisite for pastoral ministry.  I’m so excited!

While I think this needs a massive asterisk followed by “SUBJECT TO CHANGE”, here’s the plan as it stands right now…

• Enroll and register for my first online course, History of Christianity I
• Apply for financial aid/scholarships and humbly ask for financial assistance from family/friends
• Take 3-4 more online courses over the next year through RTS’s Virtual Campus
• Prepare our home, ourselves, and our friends and family for the upcoming change in circumstances
• Sell our house and move to Charlotte, NC in Summer 2010
• Continue to work for my company, Expert Networking, remotely (thank God for this possibility!)
• Find a wonderful Christ-centered church in Charlotte to encounter the Lord, make friends, and practice ministry
• Take my first on-campus course in Charlotte, Greek I, in August 2010
• For the following three years, hopefully maintain a healthy balance of school, family, work, church, and most importantly, my relationship with the Lord
• Hopefully graduate with a Master of Divinity degree in Spring 2013
• Only the Lord knows what He has planned for us following graduation, but I trust that He’ll put our family in the best possible position to fulfill His kingdom purposes.

For the curious folks, I’ve created a page that consolidates all of my school, degree, course, financial aid, and resource information on one page here: Seminary

Please pray for me and my family as we go through this transitional period.  I ask that you pray for defense against attacks from the enemy, for prosperity for my business even without my physical presence, for Jill and my kids for a smooth adjustment to work and school in a new location, for the Lord to privide us the financial means to accomplish these goals, for the Lord to fully capture our hearts and use us for His greater good, and for me to be prepared to learn and grasp the concepts presented in seminary courses.

For over six months now, I’ve been compelled to think about the possibility of enrolling in seminary.  If you know me but haven’t talked to me for a while, your reaction to that may be jaw-dropping or it might make sense, depending on your perspective.  I’ll be honest, it’s taken me some getting used to as well.

Let’s take a few steps back so I can explain how this all came about.  To begin, I’ll have you know that I’ve believed in Jesus ever since I was a child.  I had knowledge of some of the basics of Christianity, and I held firm to those beliefs.  My faith was very limited, though.  I laugh at myself when I think about how my former belief that the Old Testament was a bunch of fairy tales.  Adam & Eve, Jonah, Noah’s Ark, come on…

Nothing much changed until I started to attend Bay Presbyterian Church, at which point things started to slowly sink into my heart.  After having had some issues with anger and a minor addiction, I began to recognize the sin in my life.  For the first time, I had a desire to change.

Fast forward to Fall 2007, a difficult time in my life.  My wife and I had a strain in our relationship that weighed heavily on our hearts.  It was even affecting our children (Anthony ’03, Abby ’05).  It came to a point where we had to make a choice of how to deal with the problem, and we ended up looking to the Lord and our church for the answer.  Praise God, he answered our prayers!

Since then, things have been moving relatively swiftly (although at times it seems like life is going in slow motion).  God has given me the gift of having a good deal of support and encouragement throughout this process.  God has also placed me in some intresting situations that have enabled me to practice some of my spiritual gifts.

That leaves me with the question of what to do next.  There are many possibilities of varying degree.  For some people, God’s call is for them to be beacons of light in the secular world.  Personally, that would likely mean staying in the computer service industry and ministering to the people I encounter regularly.  I’m embracing that reality right now, but I don’t think that my heart is in it.  It’s not part of my 10-year plan!

I am beginning to believe, more and more, that God is guiding me down a path to become a pastor.  All at once, that’s exciting, inspiring, intimidating, and scary.  Will I actually be able to teach, preach, councel, and lead?  I might just find that out.

In the meantime, I have a decision to make.  Before that, I’ll be praying a lot and seeking much wise councel.  Thankfully, I have the support of my wife, my family, my church, and my friends.  I’m not going to follow this path alone.  So how am I going to decide?

Well, I guess I have to weigh all of the factors and make a logical decision.  Certainly, that’s part of it, although I must trust God’s guidance above all other things.  I will be amazed to see how He works out the details, though.  How will we pay for seminary?  Which school should I attend, and will we have to move?  What will come of my computer business?  How will my family deal with the schooling and the career change?  Will I be able to learn the material well enough to teach it?  Will I grow closer to God in the process or will I fall into the rut that I hear so many seminarians fall into?  Would I be a good pastor?

I’ll be seeking to answer these questions and more over the coming months and years.