Amidst the complexity life as of late, I have been a bit preoccupied with the thought of leaving for seminary next year.  I have a variety of mixed feelings on the matter.  It seems that my heart and mind are both in states of conflict.

Let’s start with the mind.  On one hand, logic tells me that it makes no sense to remove myself from my current ministry involvement, which has seriously ramped up in the past four months.  I’ve gotten heavily involved in some really exciting areas where I see God at work, and I’d like to be doing more of that and not less.  On the other hand, I know that I have a lot to learn to be properly equipped for pastoral ministry.  Since our local churches are not particularly prepared to develop a pastoral candidate, I recognize benefit/need for seminary.  I also know that RTS is a wonderful, renowned, and reformed school, and that there’s really no place I could go to be better equipped.

Now to the heart, which I see as at least equally important to the mind.  My heart aches for leaving my friends and family behind in Cleveland.  I am going to miss them dearly, especially those with whom I have been serving the Lord.  They have taught me so much, and I love them deeply.  My heart aches for my wife because she has to face those very same heartbreaks.  We have already begun grieving, as have our closest friends.  Our hearts are conflicted, though, because we are also extremely excited to discover what the Lord has in store for us in North Carolina and beyond.  We are very excited to move, to get the necessary training, and to live in the state that we’ve loved for over 10 years.

Ultimately, I must simply remind myself to trust in the Lord.  He’s in control.  He knows where we’re headed, both short-term and long-term.  In the moment, it’s hard to see the big picture, but as we step back and try to look at things through God’s eyes, the path seems to get clearer.  I must stay attentive to the promptings of the Holy Spirit and be constant in prayer.  Whatever the destination, the one thing that’s certain is that we’re in for a ride!

I’m not sure what sort of readership I have on this blog, but I thought I’d document this link to an audio recording of my testimony given to a group of twenty-somethings last week in case anyone is interested.  It’s a bit personal, but at this point, I guess I need to get past the need to be private.  Let’s face it… pastor’s lives are lived in the public eye.

Anyway, this is a story of where I’ve seen God at work in my life.  I shared particular areas of sin in my life, my growing understanding of a need for a savior, and the transformation that ensued after I truly met Jesus.

Here’s the link: Generation Talk 12/10/09

Today I received my acceptance letter from Reformed Theological Seminary in Charlotte, NC.  I was admitted into the Master of Divinity program, which is a typical prerequisite for pastoral ministry.  I’m so excited!

While I think this needs a massive asterisk followed by “SUBJECT TO CHANGE”, here’s the plan as it stands right now…

• Enroll and register for my first online course, History of Christianity I
• Apply for financial aid/scholarships and humbly ask for financial assistance from family/friends
• Take 3-4 more online courses over the next year through RTS’s Virtual Campus
• Prepare our home, ourselves, and our friends and family for the upcoming change in circumstances
• Sell our house and move to Charlotte, NC in Summer 2010
• Continue to work for my company, Expert Networking, remotely (thank God for this possibility!)
• Find a wonderful Christ-centered church in Charlotte to encounter the Lord, make friends, and practice ministry
• Take my first on-campus course in Charlotte, Greek I, in August 2010
• For the following three years, hopefully maintain a healthy balance of school, family, work, church, and most importantly, my relationship with the Lord
• Hopefully graduate with a Master of Divinity degree in Spring 2013
• Only the Lord knows what He has planned for us following graduation, but I trust that He’ll put our family in the best possible position to fulfill His kingdom purposes.

For the curious folks, I’ve created a page that consolidates all of my school, degree, course, financial aid, and resource information on one page here: Seminary

Please pray for me and my family as we go through this transitional period.  I ask that you pray for defense against attacks from the enemy, for prosperity for my business even without my physical presence, for Jill and my kids for a smooth adjustment to work and school in a new location, for the Lord to privide us the financial means to accomplish these goals, for the Lord to fully capture our hearts and use us for His greater good, and for me to be prepared to learn and grasp the concepts presented in seminary courses.

Tonight marked the end of our 10-week “seeker’s course” called Christianity Explored.  What started out as an idea to help get me involved in ministry, while reestablishing something that’s been missing at Bay Presbyterian Church for some years, had turned into a 10-week ministry on Wednesday nights from 6:30-8:30.  There were over 30 participants, 9 table leaders (including me and Jill), 5 cooks, and one pastor involved.  All this stemmed from a meeting with my pastor sometime late last year.  It’s pretty cool how the Lord uses us in His kingdom plans, and how the Holy Spirit works through us to execute those plans.

So, my wife and I were both table leaders for a small group, and we’re both pretty bummed that it’s over.  I think we have both invested quite a bit emotionally in these people that we’ve gotten to know.  Some of them are right on the brink of having a relationship with Jesus, and I’m so excited for them.  I’m just feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all right now, so I’m not sure how to process all these feelings.

On the other hand, we are excited about what the Lord has accomplished in and through us over the last 10 weeks.  After having read the feedback forms, clearly the course was a resounding success.  Our church had even decided to run the course this summer in several host homes, and again this coming fall in a class format.  Praise God!

I have one question… is this feeling of emotional investment likely a sampling of what a life of ministry will be like?  If so, I’ll embrace it with open arms, even though I know there will be disappointments along the way.  If I’m off base, is there any comparison that may be drawn?

So far, my understanding of ministry is that it will likely be an emotional roller coaster.  Perhaps it’ll be much like what I’m feeling right now… bittersweet.

A pastor at church suggested this book for me and I must say, I loved it!  Paul Marshall delivers a message about our responsibility to live in, learn from, and react to the world that God has created for us.  He emphasizes the importance of living in the here and now, embracing the moments that God has given us.  He focuses on topics such as work, rest, play, education, imagination, innovation, salvation, and worship.  He ties together these aspects of life in a way that convinces us to be consistently faithful in every aspect of our lives.

By vocation, Marshall is not a minister, but he incorporates his experience as a geologist into a variety of interesting stories to assist in the delivery of his message.  Like many of us, Marshall has struggled to figure out what his calling might be both professionally as well as his responsibility to follow God’s path.  After prayerful consideration, he decided that God hasn’t laid a clear path of stepping stones for us to follow, but rather he intends for us to make sound decisions based on the experience that He has given us.  His experience has taken him all over the world, having met an assortment of people that have left their marks in his memory.  Each one has affected him and left him with a greater understanding of God’s handiwork.

The most memorable and unique parts of this book are his emphasis on embracing the world we live in.  He explains how we can take advantage of our positions in secular jobs to minister to people specifically by showing them God’s love.  He reminds us of the importance of rest, pointing out to us, lest we forget, that God rested on the seventh day of creation, and he made it a point to underscore its significance.  Marshall also encourages us to play, or to engage in an activity that serves no purpose other than itself.  God wishes for us to delight in His creation!

Perhaps the most interesting statement Marshall makes is with regard to creativity and the arts.

… God wants our clothing, our food, our speech, and every single thing we do to be a response of creative, imaginative, stylish, and joyful creatures.

It makes sense.  Folks aren’t interested in a religion of people that are boring.  Jesus, especially, was far from boring.  Marshall challenges us to live with vim and vigor, jubilantly celebrating God’s good work.  The primary message I’ve taken from this book is to let the world see our love, our faith, and our delight in the world we live in.

Purchase this book from Amazon here or borrow it from your church library like I did!

For a couple years now, I’ve been bothered by the fact that my job is entirely secular in nature.  The closer I grow in my faith, the more I feel like my talents are being wasted or that I’m missing out on my true calling.

On the other hand, I do enjoy my job for the most part; and I’m good at it.  I also realize that every moment I spend with a non-Christian is a chance to help them come to know the Lord, and I do encounter many people on a daily basis that I may or may not be able to help.  The work that I do on computers is certainly not helping the case for Christ, but maybe the relationships I foster in the process does.

So where does that leave me?

To complicate the matter, I’m a partner in a small business.  I get along great with my two partners, but religion has been a topic mostly avoided with some minor exceptions.  They, along with many others I’ve met, have serious reservations about organized religion.  The problem is that if I evangelize at work, then I run a couple major risks.  First, I risk the possibility of fracturing the good working relationship we have as partners by somehow unintentionally offending them or having them think I’m crazy.  On the flip side, if I discuss religion with clients, I risk losing their business in a worst case scenario.  If I were in business for myself, I could deal with losing a client because of issues of faith or differences in opinion, but wouldn’t it be irresponsible of me to do that to my partners?

I’m sure that if I’m very careful and faithful, I’d be able to successfully minister to my colleagues and clients without damaging my company.  Also, I can display my love, compassion, and faithfulness at work without actually evangelizing.  Maybe somebody will be affected by my faith enough that they will ask me about it.  Clearly that’s something to which I aspire.

Is all of that enough?

I know there are other opportunities for me to do my part in “The Great Commission” apart from my job.  I can share my faith with my kids, family, and friends.  I can participate in mission projects at church.  I can write in this blog.  Those are all things I can do, but that brings me back to work.  I’m just having a hard time coming to terms with “wasting my time” working on computers when I could more effectively spend that time ministering to God’s people.  I feel like I need to use all of the abilities that God gave me, and I hope there’s a way for me to do that professionally.

If I do decide to take up a career in ministry, there are further complications.  I can’t just walk away from the business that I partially own.  There are debts to be paid and responsibilities to uphold that likely only time can resolve.  There’s also the issue of providing for my family while I make the transition into ministry.  The likeliest scenario I can envision is taking online seminary courses while maintaining my role in my company.  Is that practical?  Will it work?  Will it take too long?

I’ll be looking to the Lord for the answer, and I pray that I’ll be able to correctly discern God’s will for me.